Photo thoughts: I look fresh(er) because we took these this morning instead of in the evening after work like we usually do. Dave worked a later shift today and I had a later meeting to start the day, so we were all home together til 8. Peeks at #reallife, though – he was rushing me so I threw on clothes and didn’t even take the tag off my new skirt or put on any jewelry yet, and you can see a peek at my brand new shape wear. Yes, pregnancy #3 and this girl now needs a little help, especially with all the form-fitting skirts and dresses that come with spring and summer! And the boys continue to give me the fakest, dorkiest smiles in these pictures.
Size of baby: 3/4 of a pound (so teeny still – craaaazy to me that they gain like 7 or 8 pounds in the next four months!) and 10 1/2 inches long – a carrot!
What I’m loving: After such a long first trimester and long first quarter of the year, it just feels really good to be solidly pregnant and in the second trimester, and to have spring and warm weather FINALLY almost here.
What I’m anticipating: Bigger movements and kicks, starting the nursery! Also my sister-in-law’s baby shower that I’m helping host this weekend, my new nonprofit’s kick-off event the following weekend, and my mom’s wedding the week after that! Many happy things happening.
What’s I’m stressing about/worries: Money. Really badly.
I mean, I obviously knew having a third kid would cost us more money, and I keep reminding myself that this period of feeling like absolute paupers is only temporary, and there isn’t even a question in my mind about it being more than worth it in the long run! But I seriously often wonder how people make ends meet, when we make quite decent money and still feel so strapped. It consumes me lately, this wondering how we’re going to afford childcare for three, a new vehicle and all the other expenses that come along with adding another. I know we need to not spend and save save save, and yet something is ALWAYS coming up that costs money. And I want to re-do the nursery, darn it.
I also worry about this pregnancy continuing to go smoothly, and baby girl staying safe and healthy in there.
Miss anything? Not really.
Differences between pregnancies: Was super duper happy with both pregnancies at the 21-week mark … With Henry, his kicks were getting super strong and Dave and I could both feel them from the outside. We’d just decided to name him Henry, and I mention Ben’s name in that post, too. :)
This time around, we’re set on a name, but we still need a middle name. I’m very happy and loving being pregnant, but life is much, much more crazy and stressful than it was with either of my previous pregnancies. And to that I say, well duh. I didn’t have two kids last time or even one yet the time before! Life sure changes, man.
Movement has yet to catch up to my previous pregnancies at this point, too. Come on, baby girl!
How I’m feeling: Pretty good physically. Fairly well-rested, now that Henry is sleeping better. Mentally, I’ve been better.
I feel pretty overwhelmed by life right now, and I fear that that feeling probably won’t go away between now and when the baby comes. Or, for the next five or 10 or 20 years. Sigh. I realize this life is of my own making, and much of the ‘stress’ in my life is completely brought on by me. I choose to work full-time (though this is pretty much a ‘need to’ scenario as well); I decided to co-found a nonprofit; I decided to have a third child; I’m the one who writes a blog and Instagrams and does my best to keep up on picture taking, archiving, photo book making, all that crap. I have friendships and relationships that all take time and care to maintain. I try to keep up on the news and what’s happening in the world around me. I take care of my house and my family to the best of my ability. And on and on. I have such a *full* life and I’m so ridiculously grateful for it all. I just long for the pace of life to slow just a bit, if only for awhile. I wish I could hit the pause button once in awhile and just … breathe. Just be.
Also said on Instagram today how I’ve been feeling a bit more frumpy and heavy this pregnancy. I’ve cited old wives’ tales to more than several people recently, as I think they are all coming true for me. This female child of mine is stealing my sparkle and my beauty, I really think it’s true! And I’m gaining all over this time and feeling kind of chunky and definitely less cute than I felt the other two times. Woe is me, I know. Pregnancy is still beautiful and I love it. But it is definitely different this time, in so many ways.
I know I’m moodier and more emotional this time around, and I don’t know if it’s just because I have two kids now, or if that’s just another thing that’s different with being pregnant with a girl. More estrogen = more emotional? Who knows. But at times I feel like I can’t keep my emotions in check, like I’ll get mad and get REALLY mad, really fast.
On Easter Sunday, Henry didn’t want to eat his ham and potatoes and corn – only candy – and I got really embarrassed that my kid was the only kid not eating, and really mad at him that he was making such a scene over a few bites of food. I had to fight back the tears so hard during the whole episode and it sucked. For the record, he did finally eat the half of his plate I told him he had to eat before he got to do the egg hunt. But it was not a fun few moments there.
Sleep: Pretty good. I should get to bed earlier most nights, and tonight after I hit ‘post’ I’m going to do just that – go to bed at a decent hour for a change! Hopefully anyway. I always have the best of intentions, but then more often than not I get sidetracked.
Henry’s sleeping better, and we have a Toys R Us gift card that’s been sitting in our cabinet for a few months. I’d told Henry that when he’d gone seven nights of sleeping all night, we’d hit the toy store and let him and Ben each pick something out. Tonight will be night #7 if he sleeps all night, so we may be hitting up Toys R Us tomorrow evening.
Exercise: Nothing formal – no workout DVDs in the past two weeks. Have been sneaking in yoga and stretching where I can, and have gotten some walks in. I think I’m pretty out of shape right now, though, and I’m really not a fan.
Movement: Getting stronger every day, but I still feel impatient for more! I feel her mostly in the evenings still, with sporadic little kicks here and there throughout the day. I feel her now – I remember that from my other pregnancies, too, that the typing seemed to always wake them up!
Boy or girl: Girl!
And I can say that 100% for sure this week, since my mom and I went this past weekend to a 3D ultrasound place near me just to confirm. I really didn’t have too many doubts, but I did want to see it with my own two eyes, both because of the crappy ‘money shot’ we got from our big ultrasound, and because I know two people personally who were told they were having a girl and out popped a boy. I did not want that kind of surprise on baby’s birth day! Her legs were spread this time and I could see immediately that there was nothing there. The woman then pointed out the three lines, and she told me she was absolutely 100% sure it was a girl. So that was awesome.
We didn’t get great pictures, since she’s still so small in there. Below was the best we got – still so cool to see! I can go back later in this pregnancy at a discounted rate, so I may just do that when I’m closer to about 30 weeks. I went with Ben at 28 weeks (for free at the GE Education Center, which was awesome… maybe I’ll look into that again) and wow, the pics I got of him were amazing. The second pic here is my Benny!! It’s so neat to see and to compare to him now – it’s the same boy!! Love it.
Baby girl at 20 1/2 weeks
Baby Benny at 28 weeks
My mom and I went next-door after that to this cute kids’ consignment boutique in our area and got baby girl a pair of red pants and a cute sleeper to celebrate. My step-mom, Barb, also gave me an outfit and two sleepers for baby on Easter Sunday, so between those things and some gifts and the things I bought at the consignment sale a few weeks back, her wardrobe is really coming along already! Shopping for girl clothes excites me so freakin much, and also totally overwhelms me. Nearly every single item on the rack at any store for a little girl is freakin adorable. How do you narrow it down?! A fun problem to have, I suppose.
The bump: Growing!
Milestones: Hmm, a not-so-fun one this week … had my first, ahem, hemorrhoid issue going on earlier this week already. I first got them when I was 40+ weeks with Henry and I remember freaking out about how that might affect my birth experience. (Oh, Erin, you had no idea what you were in for – those were nothing!) They came back with Ben’s pregnancy, but probably not til the third tri. But I’m only in the second tri now! The issue seems to have gone away for now, but it was an unpleasant few days there. I hope they’ll somehow stay at bay now for awhile again!
Have started thinking about the nursery and am leaning toward blowing dandelions as my loose ‘theme’ … but I may still change my mind. I’ve just always been drawn to those patterns, and I want a nature-y, soft and peaceful nursery this last time around. Still feel in no rush to move Ben out of his room and so will likely wait another month at least to start actually working on the nursery. But it’s fun to think about.
Also had my first real conversation with my girl today.
I realized that when I was pregnant with Henry, I talked to him all the time! With Ben, of course he got much less attention in the womb, and now it’s the same for this one – hard to focus on who’s inside there when there are two living, breathing boys demanding attention out here! On my ride home tonight, though, I turned off my radio and started to talk to my daughter (my daughter. wow.) and didn’t stop til I got to Kelly’s to get the boys. I told her about her brothers and her dad and how much I loved her and how excited I was to meet her. I told her to stay healthy and safe in there, and that I’d continue doing my very best to take really great care of her. I reflected on how we are always together right now, 24/7, and that once she’s here, it won’t be like that anymore, and I remember having that same feeling when pregnant with Henry. It felt good to focus just on her and this pregnancy for a little bit today.
Highlights of the week: It was a good week … Took the boys to the park one night last week for a solid hour and the sunshine and warmth did wonders for my mood and my soul. Friday I got off at noon and was able to meet up with Amanda for awhile and do some shopping at Motherhood and still get home early to my boys. Dave’s parents wanted them Friday. Saturday was the boys’ last swim class, which was fun, and then we did the 3d ultrasound, consignment boutique, park and dinner at one of our restaurants with mom and Dale. And Sunday was Easter, which we celebrated at dad and Barb’s, so the boys got to see all three sets of grandparents this weekend. And of course, everyone gave them candy, as did the Easter bunny, so we are up to our ears in candy over here! We’ve been enjoying it but no one’s been over-indulging … we may very well have a candy stash through the time this baby is born!
Yesterday we had a childcare dilemma because Kelly had called the night before to let us know that she’d missed her flight home from vacation (no fault of her own, I guess they didn’t get through customs in time to make their connecting flight – annoying!) and was stuck til the following day. Our old daycare provider, Lori, came to the rescue, so the boys spent the day there, which was fun for all of us. We hadn’t seen Lori in like 14 months, since I started my new job and the boys started their new daycare! The boys got to hang out with all their old pals, and with Truman and Cece who they see pretty often but not at Lori’s anymore! It was a nice change of pace for them and, as much as I would have enjoyed the day to just hang at home with my boys since I had an excuse, I was glad to have been able to work – I need to save my personal days for when the boys are sick, and/or for later in the year once baby is here.
Summary … Life is full, and I am often overwhelmed but always grateful. I still can’t believe I’m having a baby girl, and I’m so glad to know for sure. Lots of fun and happy things on the horizon. A good week. And we’re over that halfway hump now which means time is just going to keep on flying and this little girl is going to be here before we know it. Holy moly.